Thursday, December 31, 2009


..*sippin' on my home-made soy latte* as I'm typing this... the year is really ending huh? SMH! seems like it was a couple of days ago 2008 just ended but now '09 is leaving us? :)
for some reason I am a little sad about it because the same way I'd love to know and experience what '10 has in store for me but at the same time I'm sort of not ready-does that make sense? Although 2009 brought pain here and there at the same time it was a wonderful year for me. I can't sit here and complain about it being the "worst year" when it wasn't really-after all we control and make our own decisions and know whats best for us so who could I possibly blame?-MYSELF!
This year brought joy..happiness..surprises..hurt...disappointments..great ppl intpo my life, I am grateful for all!
This year brought back good ppl into my life, people I thought I'd never see/in contact with-thank you GOD!
I've decided to leave certain bad habits, people behind with 2009.
Sometimes writing it down really helps and I promise myself this will be the last time I will mention this-someone I truly considered a sister-a besti betrayed me and even though I tried soo hard but it felt like I was forcing myself to even smile and create a conversation with her so I had to let her go. I am sure people are going to be who they are and there are some grimey ones that has no shame in their shitty games-all good though! with that said I let her go months ago respectfully :)
...don't you ever experience something like-you have a friend and everything is to the point that you start having interests in the person and started dating and the interests is intensed then things happen somehow it didn't work out-understandable! because it happens..because it's life. Somehow the miscommunication was a big problem-the assumptions was a big problem! now you're not even friends with the person...I know for a fact I don't do my friends any wrong, I'm not going to be the one that betrays anyone or push anyone out of my life for no reason..why?
I honestly can admit I miss our friendship..I really do and the times we spent, somehow we have things in common but because you failed to get to know me and understand me you never get to see it...I know I am history to you and you got what you wanted (me out of your life) I'm sure you're happy now-good for you!
hope you and your loved ones have a bless new year!
*clears throat*
ok...ummm moving on right..that's what we have to do sometimes :)
I would love to thank everyone for the person they are and for accepting me for my weird..crazy and sometimes asshole ways :)
...I am ready for 2010 and for whats in store for me :)
I plan on being a better person to the ones in my life...I will certainly work-on my faults and things that seriously needed work on! I'm leaving you guys right now I'd love to wish everyone A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR AND SEE YA NEXT TIME :)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

RIP Brittany Murphy-may GOD help the family this holiday season and so on!

I just feel like I have to post this up. No I didn't know her personally nor was she was my favorite actress but I've seen some of the shows/movies she was in.
I know she was a young talented individual...I know she was a great actress....what really happened?
TMZ "Brittany Murphy, who starred in popular films like 'Clueless,' 'Sin City' and others in recent years, has reportedly died of cardiac arrest at the age of 32.
Murphy, left, had her breakthrough role in 'Clueless,' the hit 1995 teen comedy starring Alicia Silverstone. She played the ditzy but love-hungry Tai. She also acted alongside Eminem in the rapper's autobiographical film '8 Mile.'
Murphy got a bit more serious in 1999 with her role in 'Girl, Interrupted.' She played a mental institution patient along with Angelina Jolie and Winona Ryder.
The 911 call reporting the incident was made from the home of Simon Monjack, who Murphy married in 2007. RadarOnline is reporting that Monjack himself made the phone call, and that the Los Angeles Coroner's office is launching an investigation into Murphy's death. The police "could not say whether it would point to any criminal conduct," Los Angeles Times sources say.According to TMZ, Murphy's mom found the actress in the shower and that paramedics administered CPR at the home and on the way to the hospital. Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Devon Gale tells the Associated Press that the call was made at 8 a.m. on Sunday, and that one person was transported to a hospital.Murphy's publicist, Nicole Perna, released a statement on Sunday saying: "In this time of sadness, the family thanks you for your love and support. It is their wish that you respect their privacy."Murphy made her big splash in Hollywood in 1995's 'Clueless,' in which she played the ditzy character Tai. She went on to co-star in popular films like 'Girl, Interrupted' with Angelina Jolie and '8 Mile,' where she played Eminem's love interest. She was also the voice of Luanne Platter for more than 230 episodes of the popular Fox cartoon sitcom 'King of the Hill.'Aside from acting, Murphy also dabbled in music occasionally. In 2006, she scored a hit by pairing up with DJ Paul Oakenfold on the song 'Faster Kill Pussycat,' which became a club staple. She also covered two songs -- including Queen's 'Somebody to Love' -- in the animated movie 'Happy Feet.'Ashton Kutcher, who shared the screen with Murphy in 2003's 'Just Married' and also dated her, spoke out on his Twitter to remember his friend. "See you on the other side kid ... 2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany's family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon," Kutcher wrote
The holiday is here where everyone is celebrating, shopping and ready to have a bless holiday with their loved ones but it's unfortunate for her family to deal with a loss insead od being happy :(
....I keep saying and do believe life is too short for us to take things for grantyed and not love one another.
I thank my LORD for all he has done for me, my family and my friends-couldn't asked for more.
May the LORD help her family thru their lost! Link

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

that made my whole week :)

I'm in bed now about to fall asleep, but before I do I would like to mention one thing and I am glad for. Thanks to FB I found my H.S best friend. We were very close but somehow and don't know what really happened but we lost contact. We did get in contact after H.S years but don't know what really happened Hmm!
Anyway right, so I found her on FB and I am glad I did, I used to think about her all the time and wondered what she was up to and hope life was great on her end. She said she felt the same way and glad she reconnect with me (no not that way-strictly platonic)!
..Now I'm thinking everything happens for a reason-to see how I thought I had a best friend who I knew you can say literally longer than my best friend from H.S now'd think me and last "best friend" would still be friends?-NOPE! She betrayed me and hurt me...we're not even friends anymore-she was being immature about certain things and I had to make it clear to her nicely :)
..Anywho like I was saying everything happened for a reason. I lose a friend and GOD blessed me with another...ppl come and go out of your life which I can't seem to figure out why really? I wish I knew someone more than 5 or 6 years and to still be tight with-I am ashamed to even mentioned *shrugs* but it's the truth. I know it's not me, I'm not a bad person-the thing is I am too nice and always try to be there and put others before me which I'm learning not to do anymore!

*yawns* ..I wonder what else GOD has in store for me....waiting patiently.....
Goodnight world!
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Friday, November 27, 2009

blk friday?......HAPPY BE-LATED THANKSGIVING who's going shopping today or already went shopping?
I am tired of hearing and seeing ppls facebook stats and their tweets about black friday-who cares? seriously there's nothing good going on that day...go to work and not waste your money lol. the best deals are after Christmas :)
....oh speaking of Christmas I have to start working on my Christmas list..the list is longer this year :)
I will save up and do my real shopping for myself after Christmas!
...untill then enjoy wasting money fools LOL
....*yawns* so I'm late on my thankgiving post which I told myself I was going to work on you can see I didn't-I was very busy.
Hope everyone had a tasty thanksgiving with their loved ones.
I had a lovely thankgiving with my two best friends L & I didn't spend it with family (they didn't mind), this year I wanted it to be different-I'm around my family sooo much and they didn't care lol.
....So yesterday not only I was taught to cook/prepared certain tasty dishes (proud of myself) but was given a surprised which I didn't expect :) what else could I ask for right? lol
I think I gained weight which I plan on getting rid of before the Christmas holiday-how does that sound?
I am thankful for my loving family although they get on my nerves ughhhh! but it's all good :)
I am thankful for my friends and the others in my life that accepts me for who I am. Also for my job-blah, my health and the fact that GOD is always with me no matter what.
I am grateful for making it another thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Hey! I'm writing this I'm actually waiting on my train (A/C-whichever one comes) to go home...The BEAUTY of mobile blogging ☺. I'm coming from my good friends' house (they just move to BK-WHOOT!
They had a house warming and I enjoyed my time-it was sooo nice to see them. I haven't seen them for like a month.

...I know I keep saying it over and over but I miss ATL...GA period. I miss my brother, and I miss GA. GOD is with me with my plans-but ughh!! Why can't things just happen any sooner? Sometimes I feel like he tests me and make me wait longer for something/anything I wish and play for. He only knows why and I won't give up the faith I have in him, I can't give up!
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Saturday, November 7, 2009

27 things about MOI!!

Hello world...hope you all are havng a fantastic weekend-hope y'all are staying warm.
Wow another boring weekend for me Hmm!! Have two papers due monday-when will it end?

Anyway I thought I'd give you guys a little clue about moi and who I am really...doesn't matter if you care to know just friggin' read it lol

1. I am glad my mom was the one that gave me my dad wanted to name me Sophia-ughh! seriously do I look like a Sophia?

2. I wish I had a middle name..I'm seriously thinking about adding a middle name to my name (melanie, valencia).

3. I am 24 and ♡ that age lol

4. I am the sweetest person you can ever meet (that's why peeps think they can try to take advantage hm!) BUT at the same time I can be the total opposite!!!

5. I have a bad tendency and the people that knows me tells me that too...I need to stop thinking out loud!
If i'm out in public and I see someone behave, just anything off about them I will basicallly talk about it (it's ok) but I expressed my opinions where it can "lead to confrontations"-so my friends tellls me.
hey I'm working on it ok :)

6. I hold grudges. I told myself not to add it in this note but what the hell-that's just who I am and I understand holding a grudge won't get me anywhere but pain and stresed. I'm working on that too.
I am working on to let go and move on and forgive people for their shytty ways towards. Life is too short anyway!

7. I hate rejection..I'm the type if I know I will get rejected for something or turned down I won't even try to ask or approache the situation. Why bother if you already know? and that's why sometimes I keep myself away from certain siituation. Even when it comes to my personal life (someone I'm seeing or talking to)..If I'm seeing someone and the person doesn't call or have any type of interests on trying to contact me THEN I automatically assume their interests is elsewhere or the interests isn't there anymore *shrugs* ...I'm always right :)
So if I don't call or anything it's because I feel like you're not trying to contact me and I know "what's up"!

8. I ♥ GREEN!!-mostly everything I owned are GREEN...

9. I am a ☎ whore..I ♥ my  curve..yes I still got my curve.

10. I am a 5000lbs fat person living in a 160lbs tall, slim but curves in all the right places LOL-just had to add that in :).....I ♡ to eat. Sometimes I wonder why am I not fat? I gained weight but I lose it so easily..back and forth (just like mariah) lol.

11. My goal is to be fluent in espanol!!
I ♥ the language-it's very sexyyy and romantic..especially when saying the "Rs"..
and it's always good to be bilangual or trilangual
escuchame mi amigas..yo te amor espanol :)

12. I was a vegetarian for a year and loved it. I started to be good again BUT I am surrounded by more swine eaters LOL- ♡ yall's hard :(
but this time it"s seriious..

13. I am an H & M whoreee- I remember my last year in H.S I worked there and I had to quit lol..I was going crazyy (oprah's voice)..

14. I am a colorful person will never catch me matching my eyeshadow with my shirt or just my outfit period-tacky ladies...don't do it!!

15. I like to hold on to memories. Even if it's something I shouldn't be happy about or that might hurt-it's good to sit alone and reminisce about our pasts and see where we fucked-up and try not to do it again ...MOVE ON!!

16. Everyday I am thankful that I have such great parents..I know you're like "duhhh! so is everyone". NO! not everyone gets along or ♡ their parents smh...that's where the communication is important ppl.

17. I am a joyful, loving person and I can proudly say I get along with almost everyone that enters my world :)
I welcome everyone with open arms.

18. The people that knows me know I am fun and'll know when something is wrong with me when I'm quiet, distant and to myself.

19. Every month when Ms. Flow visits me I always wish to be a dude I swear.

20. I am very affectionate..too affectiionate sometimes ughh!! ..I ♥ to hug, hold, cuddle :)

21. Recently I am beginning to wear high heels (couple of months now)..and no I wasn't a tomboy or a sneaker type either but I always used to and still do wear my flats and converse. But I ♡ my heels now and I look damn good in them.

22. I am a bag lady. I ♥ bags (small, medium, clutch bags, all sorts)..

23. Ok so Ive been told I'm too sensitive-and what's wrong with that again? oh sorry I have feelings and the way I expressed myself is very human-like lol
Yes I do cry to "Notebook" and every other happy or sad movies.

24. I had a best friend who I thought would be "BFF"... LMFAO to that haaaaa!!
that's the shyt I'm talking about ppl stabbing you in the back and it reallly hurt.

25. I think that also goes with #24 but whatever!
I sometimes wish I had a best friend ( I had) blah blah..but someone I can talk to about ANYTHING and do things with, accept me for who I really am. Accept and ♥ me despite my crazy and annoying ways-but oh well not all of us are lucky....or not everyone gets to have it all *shrugs*

26. I am veryyyyy stubborn...even if it might costs me my life..hey don't judge yet!!
If I can't have it my way then leave me alone and don't even bother! (old me)...leave me alone! I don't wanna hear! I don't care on what you have to say! my mind is made up and there's nothing* I mean NOTHING that can change it!***but that was the old me and I'm working on it and gettting better.
I understand life is not and doesn't have to be about me. I have to learn to chill and take life at ease and it's going to be alright.

27. I am obsessed with tetris-recently I reached my goal (level 17) and damn who knows when that will happen again lol

28. Ohh one more...
I ♥ mexican food (yummmy), and a seafood ♥er :)

29. more...
I ♥ butterflies-they're beautiful and FREE!

30. Hold on
I have a very smart ass mouth-I can push ppl away in an instant with my smart ass comments and sarcastic self...hey I never said I was proud of that but I'm sure some of you already know :)
Sorry but sometimes ppl need to hear it..especially the A**holes!

Sometimes I believe I was born to get disappointed.
It's weird cause I never disappointed anyone Hmm!! But somehow ppl always tends to disappoints me*

So now that you've learned a little about moi and get a clue of who I really am...don't you DARE judge me!!!....
Well even if you do I wouldn't give a *BLEEP* anyway ☺

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Shytty feeling!

I'm back in my bed with the ipod on listening to all my neo-soul musics (india, jill, corinne, ledisi and so on)-that's the mood I am right now=messy!
I really hate the mood I am but can't help it during this couple of days. It's weird because as I'm getting older the symptoms are stronger and getting worst-WTF?
....And no I don't have a depression problem (I'm nowhere stressed out nor depressed), you (the females) know when she's around you've got al these crazy emotions-extra sensitive, everything affects you, and you're just a mess?-well that's me!
I can admit when she's around I see, feel and view everything around me blurry-that's how I can describe my state of being right now...nothing is clear to me, I refused to view things and ppl like I do when she's not around.
..So halloween is over-thank GOD!
I was tired of ppls fb stats and twittering about halloween-ok it's over already! After a while the same thing-come on! First day of another month-great!
I am ready for this year to be over already..well just a little.
So last night I was supposed to go out with my friends-although I got invited last min (which I don't like) but worked all day yesterday and was busy and an incident happened at work when I was gettting off then Ms. Flow decided to knock at my door-crazy! But no I didn't go anywhere besides work-not that it made a difference if I didn't join them anyway Hmm!
I'm sure they had a great time without me!!-good!
I deactivated my fb account earlier-i need a break and to stay to myself.

I really hope I get over this shytty mood!!!!!!!!!!!
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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Does GOD really test ppl?-why me? I want the help I can't be tested!

So yesterday I took a test which could've slightly changed my life..or should I say made a minor difference in my life. Well I flunked it, yup I messed up. Weird part was I didn't take it hard on myself, why? Ppl messed up every now and then, good thing is I still have chances to re-take the test (thank GOD).

I was upset at myself for a while, hurt and angry cause I didn't pass, but then I took it like "GOD knows my time will come and maybe I'm not ready to pass yet".-hey not making excuses but the test is not a life and death situation nor something so major that it'll get me anywhere. And no not for school either and that's why I said I will be alight. Next I know to do better what the heck!

But my question is: why do you think GOD tests us sometimes?
Isn't he supposed to be our father and help us thru whatever we want and need?
Do you think he tests us to see who truly believes in him? But if that's the case doesn't he have the power to automatically know for sure who believes in him? Why the test for?

..Maybe I was too anxious to pass and couldn't focus *sighs* after all my limbs were ice cold and my heart felt like it jumped out my chest. Worst part was whenever I swallowed my spit (you know when the mouth is dry) you swallow it makes this weird noise-like it actually echoed UGHH!!
Yup I flunked it but life goes on-NEXT!!
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Decided! Sorry for the weak ones ☺

...Ok so I've decided to eliminate the negative ones out of my life.

..WAITTT!!! Before I continue I want to make myself clear and don't judge me for my decision (not that it would make a difference anyway), but I am tired of all the negative, the complainer, judgemental, arrogant, just the "why this and why that, how come this and how come that?" Type ones-TIRED of them all.
We all have our problems but always complaining about them will not result into anything but stress, if it wasn't meant to be then FACE WON'T work!!! So be quiet and enjoy the ride we call life (or try to).

Yes I sometimes complain when things doesn't go my way, and I was judgemental at one point (which I'm working on)...hey!! I'm working on it, being judgemental and mean to ppl is not cool and it really reveals the type of person you are-SHITTY and just need to wiped out off the face of the earth (like that). So I am willing to change my ways and become a kinder and not so judgemental person.

When ppl see you or even have a conversation with you and they may not like your opinions on some things or how you word things they automatically assume the worst UGHH!!-dont you hate that?
I don't care what others have to say about me or view me-BUT what I do know is I am surrounded by two types of group of friends-the positive ones where I learn something everytime we hang out and have a conversation, and they're willing to give out a hand, the ones that let me know "what's up" and "val, you're fucking up!" Type. ....and I do have the type where all they do is complain and complain, negative, only work and have no goals (I understand we may have our problems) but the ones that aren't trying. The materialistic types, the ones all they wanna do is give you the biggest ☺ and behind your back they really hate you!!
The ones where there's no way you can learn anything from them (positive things that is)..the ones where you've tried to give out a hand but refused and think they know it all-Hmm!! I wonder why you always think you know it all.

So I decided to delete, ignore, deny, shut down, eliminate those types where in all actuality have nothing in common-seriously I should've known that years ago, months ago, weeks ago and even days ago.

I know you're not supposed to push anyone out your life-WAIT!!
Who said you're not supposed to again?!
Oh it's our decision isn't it?
Ummm..if I make a decision and it's for the better, to better my life-HECK yeah I will ☺
...When you're surrounded by negative ppl they bring negative energy along to you, it's all around you and that really affects everyone around them-and believe me I really don't need that.
I don't need any negative vibes or any of that around me.
So I'm keeping the ones where I know won't have to worry about being myself and will accept me for who I am. The ones that we can relate and have a conversation without being negative on things. The ones where I can learn from.

I am doing this for myself and that would be one of the things I will be working on.

Thank you!
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Thursday, August 13, 2009


..I feel so bad right now and ashamed to know that I forgot if today was my loving sister's birthday :(

I would ♥ to put a pic of her up but she's not a pic type of person-she's very simple and plain and loving just the way she is. She's older than me and she really watches out for me and my well being although sometimes I be thinking I'm the older one and we always get into it.. But she knows she's my ♥ ☺

My sister is my other half-we may not be spending a lot of time together or hang out on a regular like I do with my closes friends or do a lot together but she's my ♥ and my soul, no one I mean no one can take her place :)
I ♥ her with all my being and soul and I wish her all the best for her birthday and so on in life.

So this is for my number one ♥

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Monday, August 10, 2009


I am sooo glad that I can finally blog via email :)
At first I could't cause I didn't know how to set my mobile blogging-somehow I'm doing it. I guess the way they set it up for you to do it.
But I LOVE ogging, and the mobile blogging is wayy convenient-im not always in front of a computer I'm a phone freak so it's much easier for me to share my views :)

...very sleepy...damn those advil pm seems to be doing wonders.
So today Ms. Flow decided to stop by when she's supposed to come knocking at my door in two week (you see what stress does to you!) SMDH!
I can honestly admit that I've been better than a couple of weeks ago, stressed but not as stressed as I was weeks ago. Give me some damn credit I'm trying lol :)

So how was my weekend? Lol
Ok it was peaceful, quiet, stress-free and loving.
Saturday I did nada-blockbuster night with sis and enjoyed my family's company :)
And Sunday me and the ladies attended the SummerStage in Central Park then we went out for dinner-GREAT time :)
One thing I'm glad and grateful for, despite me having my lil issues or we have our flaws but we all are positive individuals-we like to have fun, but we know the limit and we look out for one another :) what else can I possibly asked for huh?! TELL ME!!!!!

...yes I made some major moves (mentally-wise, behavior-wise, emotionally-wise)
I did something Sunday which I am proud of and glad I did and thank GOD I feel sooo much better.
Sometimes though I really need to chill the fuck out and enjoy the ride and take it easy (working on it)
Hopefully things will continue to go easy :)
I have hope that it will. I'm making a fresh new start with this friendship and glad I am :)

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Saturday, August 8, 2009

...So far my saturday..

..This is what happens when you're bored on a saturday night...
Like I mentioned in my latest post I had no plans but today I think I accomplished alot-alot as in went to my favorite nail shop in LI (yup worth the travel), got the special pedicure and manicure and of course including the massages :)
Then went to the city to get my eyebrows done-all nicely shaped :)
I feel sooo good...I needed a lil pampering lol.

...Hold on *sippin' on some wine*

Ok.. I was just watching movies with sis-damn been a while since I spent some time at home and enjoy her company, we made it a movie night.
My friends invited me out to different events but I declined *shrugs*
Well not only my hair look busted lol-so gotta get it done but I'm just not in the mood to do the club scene tonight..Hmm!! I don't know, I guess I'm still going thru my mood and not myself from what happened last night-I just hate being disappointed.
Like I said everything could be prevented!!!

I'm not mad or anything but I'm just not in the mood for the club scene or going out at all. My hair=disaster lol
Not good for the club scene.
I'm also not in the mood to talk or anything...I need some time alone right now.
But I hope they have a good time-which I'm sure they will.
So I'm in bed and about to twitter my fingers away untill I fall asleep lol..I sound like a loser :)

..Now one of my friend just texted me "how are you and her doing?" Her as in ...anyway I replied "there's no her" lol.."we're not even friends anymore, her wants me out her life for good, why? I don't know!" *shrugs*
I even tried to be and to come to an understanding to what really went wrong and what cause the downfall but her obviously didn't care to see and understand where I was coming from. Her rather play the psychic game where she knows it all instead of calling or talk face to face but instead she rather assume the worst of me and that shit hurts and annoying Hmm!!
Sometimes you just gotta keep that lil bit of pride you have left and not let anyone step on it.
Like I keep saying if someone really cares about you or your feelings they would try to respect it and not let anything happen to hurt you...but of course I'm never the lucky one lol....
Funny thing was though I never hated or held a grudge against her...I'm proud of myself for that :)
Seriously I am good....
There's no way you can force someone to be in your life if they want you out!!!!
Hmm!! I do ummmm..
Fuck it!!! Whatever this isn't no personal journal LOL

Anyway I'm having a good night and hopefully have a better sunday :)
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Disappointed *SIGHS*

One thing I really don't understand-why when someone cries or sad about something (which is normal by the way) the other person automatically assume they're weak and can't deal with certain situations? It's not even that, maybe that person express his/her emotions different from you or anyone else-better be that way (healthier) than to react like a mad man lol.

So Wednesday I found out I passed my summer class which I'm sooo HAPPY-thank you my LORD!!
Me the this classmate which she's a friend now (we clicked since the first day of class :)) usually have lunch and drinks after class-she introduced me to some nice restaurants :)
*I just love going to different restaurants/bar and lounges* last night after work I was supposed to be meeting up with my good friend, have dinner and drinks with her.....should I continue with this?
What the heck!?!!
To make it short I got stood up, disappointed-BLAH!!

I'm learning to understand life and things may happen and to stop being selfish. I'm not mad, I'm hurt but I will be ok.
What I don't understand is at least a call would have been nice, anything. That I think I at least deserved.
So I could've done something else and hung out with other friends...

Moving on.......
So today I have no plans...
Let's see Hmm!!
I might just go to the movies alone-sometimes being alone is better-that way you get to stay away from ppl and look within yourself and understand your main priorities and who's really true to you.

I'm feeling some type of way-alot of emotions now...
I miss someone and I just wanna kick myself for that!!! Because obviously that person been moved on and totally forgot about me, or even my number funny!!

I just want to have a good day!
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

forgiven-HELP!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!

*enters the creative world* Hmm!! just where I belong... I need some opinions, advice, whatever..AYUDARME AMIGAS(OS) lol ...question first: have you ever been hurt by anyone (loved ones, someone you were intimate with, a friend) and they did you wrong/betrayed you when you were so true to them? I understand everybody's different-some may hold a grudge and never forgive that person and some may forgive and work it out and be cool again *shrugs* whatever!! I can honestly say I hold grudges which I'm getting better on letting go....YES I am learning to let go and it's a really good feeling :) ..but what's bothering me>>I've thought about it like everyday, and I asked GOD for forgiveness for my ways and to let go and forgive ppl and their shytty ways towards me.. I want to forgive ppl and try to work things out, I really do-not because of anything other reason-I just want to...hard to believe but I'm a great believer in working things out, giving ppl a chance or a second chanmce and understand my differences and others'. Deep down inside I am afraid. I am afraid of rejection, I am afraid of being looked down (such pride)-I shouldn't be right? Hmmm!! I don't know anymore....but what I do know is that I want to contact someone who hurt me and she really tried to work it out with me and be cool and cordial-me on the other hand I was so hurt I basically told her to fuck off ughhh!! ...I want to contact her to see how she's doing and how are things with her *shrugs*-HELP!! Link

Monday, July 20, 2009

BLESS monday :)

I'm at my school now getting my fiancial papers ready for next semester-BLAH!! I can honestly and proudly say I am having a BLESS monday :) what about you? from today I plan on to continue having a BLESS day....let the little stuff past my shoulders and if it does I'll remember to brush it off! Last week I think on a wednesday I went to church for the first time in a long time LOL-I'm not religious or anything like that but I need to start going to church and show GOD how much I am able to do alot with him in my life and how much I apreciate his wonderful miracles :) from now on I will try to make it a "regular thing' hope you al are having a BLESS monday! Link

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Missed this CREATIVE world:)***I'm BACK!!

me at the International African Festival in BK
OMG I really don't know where to start here....*pauses* Hmm!!
It has been a long time since I stepped foot into this wonderful, creative world! Alot has happened since last I was here....some things turned out to be good and some not so well..well that's how I'm learning to be a better person to myself and to others in my life.
What I know is as of today I am really starting to take some time off of things I made the top priorities in my life which only putting me behind-I really didn't need anyone to tell me I'm fucking up...I know I've fucked up and it's so not like me.. Ever since friday night I realized that I need to slow down on certain things, and just fucking relax for's obvious I made a fool of myself friday night and my friends had to babysat me-fucked-up!!
I won't be getting into much details on how I fucked-up but lets just say PMSin', depression, confusion, hurt and drunk=COMPLETE DISASTER!!!!!! I am ashamed for my behavior and how immature I was in public and worst thing in front of the people I love and care about-hot mess Val ughhh!!
I have decided to deactivate my FB account for a while-I need a break from all these damn networking and get on my grinds!!
What's new with me? Hmmm!!
I am taking my driving lessons (damn how long?) LOL!- but this time I know for sure I will have my license :) I am that confident!
I am taking this one english class (the short story)-very interesting!
Taking life easy and take on step at a time....and not to sweat the small stuff...*brushing them off* it's all good babbii lol
I am also learning to forgive people that done me wrong-we all hurt sometimes but as long as we acknowledge our fucked-up behavior! Link

Friday, February 20, 2009

the importance of MOM and true FRIENDS!!

Hello all, I know I've been away for quite some time now-I've been very busy. I had to register for my financial papers, you know basically get my shyt together (so have to go back), plus work has been keeping me away. Oh, umm I also haven't been myself for a couple of a week or so due to some nasty horrible flu :( To tell you the truth, I thought that was the end for me that's how sick I was, I didn't go to work that whole entire week nor even attend the events I was supposed to volunteer at. That's how sick I was, I was in bed all day and everyday. BUT the only person that really made me feel better of course besides GOD was my mother-dad is away back home. But mom of course is always there when in need even when not in need she knows it :) Seriously without GOD spiritually and mom who made sure I put something in my belly (cause a bad cold takes away your appetite completely) and I was feeling weak and tired easily. So mom took care of me. She's a FUCKING ANGEL and I thank GOD for having the best mom ever!!!! So for the ppl that thinks "there's a time in your life you need to grow up and take care of yourself and be independent, you don't need mom anymore" and I'd say to them "Just shut it up!! wonder what kind of mom raised you that you don't think you'll never need her?"" then I would roll my eyes* Yes there are points in our lives we need to be independent and take care of ourselves but the feeling of knowing and having that wonderful mom-her touch (when she touches my neck and forehead to see if I have the fever), her soothing words (asking how I'm feeling every couple of mins. And telling me I will be well soon and not to worry. And everytime I thanked her shereplies "don't thank me, it"s my job"). Her support (always made sure I eat at least soup and take my meds) oh did I mentioned she's the fucking best? Well she's a fucking ANGEL!!!! ::::sippin' on some theraflu::::: Ok....I may not say it well and I don't care right now, but I'm sure you've heard of "When you're in need or sick that's when you can really tell for sure who your true friends are?" well I did came to that conclusion or "That's when you know for sure who really gives a shyt about you (the ppl in your life) whoever" guess what? I think GOD was trying to make me see something....I know you may think "what is she talking about?" But read carefully please and it's the fucking truth!!!! My best friend, val was there for me throughout my entire sickness, by calling me every couple of hours each day, she even came to my house to give me some med she thought might be good to take. Now there's a few peeps I'm cool with at work (well won't be anymore), did they even texted me to ask how I was feeling? NO FUCKING WAY!!! Guess what? Not even my own manager LOL....yup I'm serious, but let's leave it at that. Now he just texted me asking me "hey plo, you feeling better to work today?" Come on guys what should I replied back? Should I text back telling him "to go fuck his fat self"? Or to just "fuck you fat fuck?" Or just ignore it? Still debating Mmmm!!! Oh something else, this is how much I'm loved by plenty you guys-I was supposed to be at SOBS to do some volunteering work, ok I emailed the lady who's in charge and the person I was supposed to work with at 3 fucking something in the morning and texted them, ok I got a reply from the person I was supposed to work with but not the lady who's in charge of the local outreached-Mmmm!! Wonder why! Maybe she was upset cause I could not make it, or whatever the reason is, but whatever it is my health comes first-I'm sorry I was hack hack hack and feeling weak, sick all over and all I could do is stay in bed rather than go out in this cold and take the freaking public tranportation...sorry I couldn't go out to make myself worst, oh that event was supposed to be more important than my own fucking health, I didn't know it worked like that smhhh!!!But my point is I now came to a realization and have a true understanding of a good friendship, and the the appreciation of the great ppl I have in my life. THANK YOU GOD AGAIN AND MOM!! Link

Monday, January 19, 2009

How annoying-ughhh!!

Ok this is something I had to share with you all which I'm sure some of you (New Yorkers) already experienced and know how it can be on the trains of NYC. And maybe some who doesn't have to do the NYC transit but sure deal with public transportation period. I've been taking public transportation for a long time and believe me I know all about the DOS and the DON'TS, I've been on the train from early to mid day, and throughout the night (basically that's how I go about). I love taking the trains, the transfering from one spot to the other, go up and down, uptown, downtown, midtwon, eastside, west side, parkside, parkview and so on-good experience-believe me lol. But, just like I'm a subway rider and love the NYC public transportation is the same way I have alot of pet peeves about it, and sometimes just wish I was the only one who takes the subway.
Some of the other passengers I ride with on the train really thinks it's their private world, and some thinks it's their livingroom or their backyard, or may think they're at the park.
ATTN: and this goes out especially to the black folks-no self-respect, no good behavior with themselves and their kids.
I don't like it when a group of young girls gets so loud on the train that the whole car can hear them-who cares about you and your boyfriend having sex?
No one cares about you smacking that girl from your class who gave you the dirty look!
No one cares about where you're going friday night!
No one cares about the type of labels you wear-ughhh so ghetto!!
I had a long day at work or at school and sometimes both, I am tired and need to rest my legs, do I care if you have ten kids with you? NO!
I don't hate kids or anything like that but when you see a young female with a stroller and two more kids on the side, and it's obvious she wasn't ready to have these kids. Especially if the kids have no manners, and doesn't know how to behave that's when my mean side takes place and just let her stand with her lil bastards-yeah yeah I'm mean but I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from and what I mean by that. I'm sorry I've had a long day WORKING OR WAS AT SCHOOL, DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE AND THESE YOUNG ONES ON THE OTHER HAND RATHER SPREAD THEIR LEGS AND HAVE BABIES LIKE THEY'RE READY AND THE ECONOMY IS GREAT!! NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE MY SEAT AND NO YOU CAN NOT SQUEEZE IN AND MAKE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE!!
I pay my fare so why should I be uncomfortable for you with 10 kids?
What I also hate is when bums come on the train and begs for money meanwhile there are help out there-my taxes and other New Yorkers taxes pay for your shelter and your well being, so why not use it?
I know I can be judgemnetal but this is the truth!
You're an American, you were born and raised in the US and I'm sure they have more help for them, alot of apportunities for them-hello it's your country why not take advantage?
But they rather be lazy and depend on the government and abuse it and don't appreciate the opportunities. They rather sit and blame the "white men and the government for their lazy asses.
My taxes, my working hard pays for your welfare and the places that you need to go to get some help..please do that!
I don't hate anyone nor have anything against anybody but when it comes to trying to use me and don't see that I'm trying and even take it into consideration and take take and take that's when I say FU!!
Don't you hate when you're waiting for the train, especially during rush hour, the train be packed and there's more people coming in....all of a sudden the train gets right in front of you that's when people becomes savages? Their savegeness comes out-LOL to that.
I hate being pushed and rushed..I let them know it't not that serious lol..for real it really isn't.
oh wait wait..they get inside the train all in your way and looking for the best seats lol!
like come on get out of my way so I can seat.
Like I said this isn't to be mean or a bytch but just annoying to me and to others.
I know I may offend some people but this is the truth-sorry!
So you tell me what you think and how you deal with it when you get on the train/next time you get on the train.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Plane crash into Hudson River-thanks to pilot!

....So I just woke up feeling better...
This morning I had to wake up super early to go to the airport with dad (going to visit family and friends back home). worked all day yesterday and got home late. ..and to make it worst I have a motion sickness problem (so you can imagine the ride to the airport-ughh!). I stayed at the airport 'till his flight took off because it started snowing bad and we expected the weather to get worst, just in case his flight got (wasn't sure but waited anyway to see the "final boarding" for his destination.
Came home got something to eat..and took a nap.....
Woke up 4:39pm ...
........a plane crashed? huh? where? how? hope it's not a terrorist attacked again! not now...not again and especially not in this weather......
What we know is, a US Airways jet made an emergency landing into the Hudson River on this frigid afternoon.
The US Airways-flight 1549, with 155 people on board; three flight attendants and two pilots, left LaGuardia and was heading to Charlotte, NC. The cause for this as pilot reported: a "double bird strike" less than a minute after taking off. That's when he felt like he had to make that pluged into the Hudson. Both engines were knocked out by a flock of geese, the pilot wanted to turned back to LGA airport but it was too late-he made a safe landing to the Hudson near 48th instead that way it would be easier and safer for the passnegers on board.
Some people suffered minor bruises and scrapes, and minor hypothermia-it could have been worst.
God forbids that plane could've worst-it could've landed anywhere on the streets on NYC (times square) GOD knows...but thanks to the pilot such thing didn't happened.
One thing I can say about this almost-tragic incident is: I am glad everyone is ok and are safe-thanks to the pilot for making that safe landing.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thank you GOD for another year!

Hello everyone, Welcome again to my spot!
First I would like to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!! and hope you all had a great '08 and hope you get to see many more in '09 and so on.
I know some of my good friends and my best friend heard it before and knows it and some of my other people I associate already heard me wishing them a great new year (blah blah). But I really would like to take the time out to thank and let people in my life know how much I appreciate them for being who they are-the best, the good, not so good, assholes (that's what makes you who you are), and the crazy ones (love you too) lol.
Looking back in '08, it was a very good year for me and I can honestly say I've come encounters with so many different types of individuals that I want to stay friends with and some I don't want in my life at all.
I've gone places that I've never been before and would like to visit again next year and maybe live in in two years (maybe that'll be my new years resolution for 2010) ::shrugs::
and some places I don't want to go back and waste my money again. But 2008 was a better than 2007-that I can say.
I've got hurt (feelings) by someone whom I truly loved and cared for, but hey that's life, regardless of anything if someone choses to hurt you no matter how deep is your love for them they will do it (no excuses!)
But I am over it..I am single and loving it lol..seriously it's totally fine ::smiles: I know GOD has a reason for whatever and why certain things happened the way they did.
I am greatful for whatever GOD has blessed me with ...
I am GRATEFUL for:
*good health (family)
*great ppl in my life
*full of self-love
*strong and smart
*my jobs
*and just every little thing else
I plan on leaving alot of old, bad habits and bad apples behind, some are personal that I can't share with you. But some are just simple little things that I need to get rid of and move on.
I plan on taking life more seriously and continue to live it to the fullest.
I've come to realized my priorities (be there for family, school, work, me and taking care of me more) is more important than anything else in this world.
I plan on being there for my friends more and try to come to an understanding that it's not and doesn't have to be all about ME all the damn times!
I plan on better my life, as in stay focused when in school and be more focused to my inner self/being, and to really understand who I am.
Continue to be the loving, sensitive individual that I am and not let the unsensitive assholes/anyone tell me otherwise.
I plan on continuing to give and share my love (to the ones that are worth it).
Ok now that you see what I'm planing on doing and you can understanding it or not that's up to you!
ohhhhh...before I put this down ,whoever is reading my page and feel like it's about them which after all if you feel some type of way-I guess it's you then ::smiles::
.....I plan on LEAVING/IGNORING THE BAD APPLES behind (who eats or would even pick up a bad apple off the ground anyway?) NOT ME! ok ok..I did but don't want to and trying not to for '09.
So I plan on deleting alot of "friends from '08 (the ones that's never there for me, the lames and the flakes, the ones that promised shyt but can't do shyt about it and always have this "I don't give a shyt attitude) is not about "oh that's not my business and why should I care". Or "Why should I care when that's the type of person that I am? I can't help it") I need more positive, self oriented individuals in my life. I am tired of the fakes ones and tired of someone I considered real but was dead wrong about.
GOD knows how much we all need positive thinkers and individuals in our lives. I know I do.
I have alot of goals that much be achived this year, better yeat before my birthday (April).
I plan on getting my license (grandma needs to be a lil faster lol)
I want to do my internship this fall.
I want this and I want that....::screaming::
ok I should stop.....
oh but wait.....I can say I need to lose like Mmm!! ::looking in the mirror: 15lbs.
I can toned up a bit.
I can slow down on the partying and the drinking (well maybe to that one).
I plan on using my money wisely-recession hello lol
I can slow down on the talking (talk too much sometimes lol)..seriously I can slow down...
I would like to thank you all for being a part in my journey (life) and for being who you are....
and have a great new year..TTYL!!