Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Promised myself not to cry again...especially over something I have no control of. I can't keep stressing it and going back and forth.
I just want to scream on top of my lungs right now.
I've lost ppl! People I considered true friends, and even sisters. Even when we do go back to being cool..it's just not the same but always hoping to get back the way we were.
I really believe I'm one of those types that isn't lucky with ppl, I don't believe I'm those types where I have a friend and know for a while and never had to cut or for them to cut me out their life..even if we do back to being cool ..it's just different.
I never said I'm perfect, I never play the victim-why should I? If I fuck-up believe me I'll feel like I need to contact whoever and talk things out and apologize-fuck it! But I didn't do shit! I didn't fuck up!
I was not the one that assumed shit about ppl and automatically delete out their life-not me! I make sure I have good reasons, where they truly deserved it.
I am hurt to the point I'm still numb, my eyes, heart, body and head hurts. My nose was bleeding earlier! I've been cramping..I'm just a fucking emotional wreck and it's not cool! Everyone wants to take other ppls side when they're not even trying to understand what really happened or maybe they're not trying to understand or even care what happened...OUCH! But again I've been accused of lying and was told I am "dramatic" smh! Me dramatic? Are you kidding me? This must be some kind of a fucking joke cause I don't play with my feelings or have to lie about anything. Now there goes another blow!
You chose to get rid of me as a friend because of something so petty? Hey your wish is well respected. I'm not the one and can't be the one to beg for friendship...I can't anymore..I am emotionally, mentally drained. I don't have the strength for that-I'm sorry!
I can't! *shrugs*
When ppl moved on and don't need your friendship anymore they try very hard to start something..hey you won! I give up!
I need to start doing some cleansing! Mentally, physically and spiritually! I can really use some positivity in my life. I'm sure that'll work.
Like my friends say "Everyone enters your life for a season and a reason, now it's time to let them go".
*sigh* I'm here at the Promenade sitting here thinking and trying to clear my head.
I feel so lonely and just in this world where now I can't lean or be too close with anyone. I feel like getting myself too close will be a problem, that they'll just run away. I don't want to feel like this-that shit hurts!
If you happen to read this I'd like to thank you for those time we've known each other..and hope life continue well with you! GOD bless!
I hope this week goes well for me. Going to start taking yoga classes, continue with my jogging and take care of me more. Start working on myself. Be a better individual. I'm not afraid! I plan on taking the risk!
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Monday, June 14, 2010
I know I've been away for a while now and I guess I have no excuses-laziness!
Have you ever have this blah feeling where you're not tired or depressed just straight blah! It's worst than being depressed because when you're depressed you know why you're depressed and sad about and may fix the problem. Maybe ppl in your life might make you feel better. But the blah feeling is something no one can help you with, sometimes you can't figure out the problem or why you're such in a mood.
Everything is fine---I know they are. Although things could be better but I'm satisfied for now, I just got to get this blah feeling out of the way and start feeling like myself again.
I need to seriously start making some changes. I am willing to take the risk and to get rejected (if it comes to that).
Are you ready with me?
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