Friday, December 31, 2010


It is exactly 1:50am January first of 2011-yeah 2010 is over. It's gone! I was waiting for this moment for a while now and it finally came-YES with such joy.

I'm not even going to "My new years resolutions are"-nope not this year. Instead of writing and bragging even planning on it I'll just work on them and let them happen. Believe me it took me a while to learn-yeah the hard way and that's why I'm somewhat of a bitter person.

*clears throat*

I hope everyone have a great new year with their loved ones. Even the ones that decided it was best to push me out their lives last year-all good!

I am happy with my circles and I honestly don't need to add any extras back to my life-I'd like to keep it that way.

Let's make this year a good one all!

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


It's official this month is not my month at all.
It's so much shit going on and I just want to get away from it all-I truly believe I DON'T have a safe haven. I really don't....


Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Original post " disappointed and fucking angry"

So it's exactly 5:36am on a Thursday morning of December the ummm 23rd. I am actually in my bed. Yes my own comfortable warm bed in my place in BK. I'm not in a hotel room in one of the hotels on West Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, California like I was supposed to be at this moment. How I planned this trip months ago. There's a saying "when you want something so bad it doesn't matter how or when you plan it if it wasn't meant for you to be at that place and at that particular time then there's no way it's going to happen". Well I think I learned the hard way.

Don't expect me to get into details with y'all ok. But let's just say I was and still disappointed and I am slightly getting over the fact that I'm on a "staycation"-seriously who does that? I never see the point in taking time off but stay home-FUCK! I guess there's a first time for everything-to tell you that was never my plan at all. I feel useless even though I'm trying to get a lot of things done and accomplished for those two fucking weeks. It feels great to know I can wake up whatever time I want and go to bed whenever I want but I'm not used to it and it feels funny-yeah damn good too haaa haaa. Not only I can make more time to meditate in the morning but I have more time to catch up on some more readings and other activities.

Now if I was to write this post Tuesday it would've been an angry one. A vey mean one. That's how I felt at the time because I was supposed to leave Tuesday the 21st-fuck! So the closer the day was getting he angrier I was. But I am ok now you can say.

Don't get me wrong I'm not all stressed out only for the trip I didn't go but it's other things too. I have a lot of shit going on and I'm working on them. God only knows why certain things are happening/happened. But damn I'd like to know too. Maybe if j do I might not be so disappointed.

I can thank my sweetheart for keeping ip with my negativities on a daily you can say. Thank you for trying to understand my issues and for still being there-I love you! I'd also like to thank two of my good friends Tani and Nat. Thank lovelies-love you!

Something else I learned-I'm just glad I didn't blog that Tuesday... It would've been an ugly post. Learning to shut up and walk away when angry. Keep tuis in my; "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret" -Ambrose Bierce I'm practicing it.

Anyway I'm getting sleepy......

Cali will still be here so are the other places I'd like to visit so they'll sure be a next time :-)

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Se mwen menm anko senye*


Konyeya mwen sou kabann mwen ap ekri sa.
Oh senye mwen kwe nan ou men'm menm. Oh senye kisa pou'm ta fe pou ede mwen jezu kri? Ede mwen non senye mwen yan.

Antou ka on sel bagay mwen konen. Lavi'm nanmen ou.

Mesi anpil an avan.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Something to think about*

This is actually a forward- you know one of those forward emails from a friend that wants to share something with you that you might be interested in... Yeah those. Well it's such an inspirational and a positive email I thought I should share it with you my loves.

I thank the person (my sweetheart) for sharing this email with me-yeah you. I love you and thank you love!

To the ones that took their time out if their busy schedule thank you for stopping by and I'm sure you will enjoy this.

What do you think of this?

You are never to old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream. Les Brown

Not sure who wrote this, but gives you something to think about!

When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Womens Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn't be willing to participate for various reasons: You don't like me, you don't care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don't understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don't like crowds, so n so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc... It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking "they are cute" but turn around and dog the average sista because "she know she should take better care of herself than that - can't believe she got a man!" We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else's coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for "talking to darn much" and likewise torment the quiet woman for "Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself" Sad part is we don't discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I've watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can't seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don't like, what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along. Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men(only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman who's child father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because Im the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child - yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn't make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn't keep you satisfied, beauty doesn't make you any less insecure, fame doesn't make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn't keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don't know how the sista sitting right next to could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I'm not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, But I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don't know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone's life. PLEASE don't be the straw that breaks another woman's back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer.

I hope that you read this and get something out of it other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that if need be you are available to listen. Nothing bad is going to happen if you don't forward this e-mail but I'd like to think that something positive will happen if you choose to pass it along. May favor be extended to each and everyone of your lives, keep your head up and know that someone somewhere cares!!!

Sent from my iPhone