Original post " disappointed and fucking angry"

So it's exactly 5:36am on a Thursday morning of December the ummm 23rd. I am actually in my bed. Yes my own comfortable warm bed in my place in BK. I'm not in a hotel room in one of the hotels on West Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, California like I was supposed to be at this moment. How I planned this trip months ago. There's a saying "when you want something so bad it doesn't matter how or when you plan it if it wasn't meant for you to be at that place and at that particular time then there's no way it's going to happen". Well I think I learned the hard way.

Don't expect me to get into details with y'all ok. But let's just say I was and still disappointed and I am slightly getting over the fact that I'm on a "staycation"-seriously who does that? I never see the point in taking time off but stay home-FUCK! I guess there's a first time for everything-to tell you that was never my plan at all. I feel useless even though I'm trying to get a lot of things done and accomplished for those two fucking weeks. It feels great to know I can wake up whatever time I want and go to bed whenever I want but I'm not used to it and it feels funny-yeah damn good too haaa haaa. Not only I can make more time to meditate in the morning but I have more time to catch up on some more readings and other activities.

Now if I was to write this post Tuesday it would've been an angry one. A vey mean one. That's how I felt at the time because I was supposed to leave Tuesday the 21st-fuck! So the closer the day was getting he angrier I was. But I am ok now you can say.

Don't get me wrong I'm not all stressed out only for the trip I didn't go but it's other things too. I have a lot of shit going on and I'm working on them. God only knows why certain things are happening/happened. But damn I'd like to know too. Maybe if j do I might not be so disappointed.

I can thank my sweetheart for keeping ip with my negativities on a daily you can say. Thank you for trying to understand my issues and for still being there-I love you! I'd also like to thank two of my good friends Tani and Nat. Thank lovelies-love you!

Something else I learned-I'm just glad I didn't blog that Tuesday... It would've been an ugly post. Learning to shut up and walk away when angry. Keep tuis in my; "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret" -Ambrose Bierce I'm practicing it.

Anyway I'm getting sleepy......

Cali will still be here so are the other places I'd like to visit so they'll sure be a next time :-)

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